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If non-Jews get together for a toast, the Sages ruled that a Jew may not drink anything alcoholic there. Once again, this is a safeguard against assimilation. However, light refreshments may be enjoyed as long as the food is kosher. If most of the attendees are Jewish, one may drink alcohol even if non-Jews are present as well.
If a non-Jew throws a party that involves a sit-down meal, a Jew may not eat there even if the food is kosher. For this purpose, a party includes a lifecycle celebration such as a wedding or a baby shower, as well as a holiday meal on Christmas, New Year’s Eve, or Eid al-Adha. However, a Jew may eat an ordinary weekday meal at a non-Jew’s home or at a restaurant. This is on condition the food is kosher and the Jew refrains from drinking alcohol.
If a Jew’s absence from a non-Jew’s wedding or party will severely damage their friendship, there is disagreement among the poskim (rabbinic deciders) as to whether the Jew may attend. The common practice is to make every effort to avoid participating in the party, and to give a generous gift and send heartfelt good wishes instead. If this would not be good enough, the Jew should participate as minimally as possible – just enough to prevent bad feelings and preserve the friendship – and make sure not to drink any alcohol.
