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Procreation has three levels of obligation. The Torah requirement is to have a son and a daughter. The rabbinic obligation is to have four or five children. The ideal is to have as many children as one can handle.
The Torah requirement is to have a son and daughter who are themselves able to procreate. If either the son or daughter is infertile, the parents have not fulfilled the mitzva. Similarly, if either the son or daughter predeceases the parents and dies childless, the parents did not fulfill it. Only if each of the two children had a surviving child have the parents fulfilled the mitzva, since their line is carried on by the two grandchildren. If their son had 10 children but their daughter died childless, they have fulfilled the mitzva but not ideally, since only one child carries on the line.
The rabbinic obligation is to have four or five children. There are two primary reasons for this extension of the mitzva. First, life itself has tremendous value. Second, even parents blessed with a son and a daughter cannot be certain the family will continue through them. Perhaps one of them will die, be infertile, or never marry.
The ideal is to for people to have as many children as they can handle. Not only does this add life to the world, but it fulfills the blessings that God bestowed upon our ancestors, “I will make your descendants as numerous as the stars of heaven” (Genesis 26:4), and “Your descendants shall be as the dust of the earth” (ibid. 28:14). The Jewish people’s inheritance of the Land, and redemption, also depend upon the fulfillment of this mitzva.
What is the practical ramification of having different levels of obligation? People must make all-out efforts to fulfill the Torah obligation. Singles must search out their partners, and married couples having trouble becoming pregnant are required to undergo whatever treatments are conventionally prescribed by doctors. However, all-out effort is not required in order to fulfill the rabbinic obligation. Therefore, if a couple are worried they will have unusual difficulty in raising and educating their children, they may stop after fulfilling the Torah mandate. A couple with no unusual problems should not hesitate. Rather, they should fulfill the rabbinic obligation of having four or five children.
When it comes to fulfilling the ideal, many other factors may come into play, including the couple’s happiness, wellbeing, and self-fulfillment. In other words, even though the birth of each child fulfills a tremendous mitzva, a couple may choose not to have additional children if they feel this would be too stressful and would have a negative impact on their lives – robbing them of peace of mind and happiness, preventing them from making use of their talents as they had hoped, or holding them back in their professional life. Together, the couple should weigh all these factors; if they disagree, they must find a compromise, as they are partners in this together. If they are having trouble reaching a joint decision, they should consult with someone wise and insightful.
