)
The suffering of the childless is intense. Despite this, they should believe that everything is for the best, and is meant to purify them and increase their joy in this world and in the next. In addition to undertaking fertility treatments, they must also pray. Sometimes, when a soul is particularly special, it has trouble descending to this world. Only through the couple’s spiritual efforts – praying and increasing their Torah study and acts of kindness – can they prepare the world for the arrival of such a soul. This is why there are many cases of righteous men and women who were childless. Hannah, for example, gave birth to her son Samuel (the greatest of all prophets after Moses) only following her powerful prayer which pierced the heavens. (See I Samuel 2:1-10.)
If a couple have been married for 10 years with no children and doctors have told them that each of them might be able to have children with a different spouse, it is a mitzva for them to divorce and remarry others. Nevertheless, if they are very much in love, and divorcing would cause them immense suffering, they are permitted to remain together. Nowadays, some fertility challenges can be met with the help of a surrogate.
If a couple adopt a child, they are fulfilling a great mitzva. Our Sages state, “One who raises an orphaned boy or girl in his home is considered by the Torah as if he gave birth to them” (Megilla 13a). Alternatively, if the couple dedicate themselves to teaching Torah, mitzvot, and ethical behavior, in a sense their students can be considered their children. Donating to institutions that educate underprivileged children can also be considered a type of substitute for having children.
