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Following the week of shiva, there is less intense mourning which lasts for thirty days after the funeral. This ends the mourning period for most relatives. However, for the death of a parent, the children are obligated to continue mourning for a full year.
During the thirty-day period, mourners may not get haircuts or shave. They may not participate in weddings and other mitzva celebrations, and they certainly may not participate in secular celebrations. They may not listen to joyful music even in private or any music in public. They may not buy new clothing or furniture or make other joy-inducing purchases. When necessary, mourners may buy gifts for relatives. They may participate in a small meal with friends but may not host such a meal. They may not go on vacations or outings whose primary aim is enjoyment, but they may go on educational outings or quiet getaways. Children mourning a parent continue with these practices for a year, except for getting a haircut, which – as mentioned – is allowed once their friends tell them their hair is too long.
If the presence of the mourners is necessary at a wedding – that is, their absence would pain the bride or groom – they may join for the ceremony, but not for the meal. If the mourners are close relatives of the bride and groom, they may stay for the meal as long as they eat separately from the other guests. They may not stay in the hall for the music and dancing though, as that would be disrespectful to the departed. Mourners may be given an important job to do (such as seating the guests or serving the food) to permit them to remain in the hall even while music is playing. If a parent of the bride or groom is in mourning, they may participate fully in the wedding to avoid detracting from the couple's joy. Nevertheless, they may not dance, except when the bride or groom requests it, at which point they may do so briefly.
If a wedding date has already been set and then the bride or groom becomes a mourner, we do not postpone the wedding, even if the date is within the thirty-day mourning period.
