There is a mitzva to eulogize the deceased. The purpose of eulogies is to acknowledge the value of the deceased’s life, positive traits, and good deeds, so that people will emulate the person and keep his or her legacy alive. Eulogies are also meant to move people to cry and grieve. The Sages tell us that “All who cry over a good person are forgiven for all their sins” (Shabbat 105b). Since mourning a good person demonstrates what one considers to be important, it has tremendous corrective power that can atone for sin.
It is difficult to craft eulogies that precisely capture a person’s positives; it is better to err on the side of overstating rather than understating. Nevertheless, one may not overdo this and lie when praising the deceased. If a person did not have any outstanding virtues, but did suffer in the course of his or her life or death, it is worth mentioning. Not only can suffering purify, but a person’s greatness can be expressed in how he or she dealt with suffering. Additionally, hearing about suffering can move the attendees to feel sad and cry for the deceased.
When a funeral takes place on a holiday, the joy of the holiday takes precedence and eulogies are not delivered. If the deceased was a Torah scholar, he is eulogized briefly even on a holiday, so as to honor the Torah.
The funeral procession involves walking behind the body as it is carried to the grave. Those who participate must remain silent and certainly not speak of matters that do not relate to the dignity of the deceased. It is customary for the person conducting the funeral to recite these inspiring words from the Mishna: “Akavya ben Mahalallel said: Reflect on these three things and you will avoid sinning. Know where you came from, where you are going, and before Whom you will have to give an account and reckoning. ‘Where you came from’ – a putrid drop. ‘Where you are going’ – a place of dust, worms, and maggots. ‘And before Whom you will have to give an account and reckoning’ – the Supreme King of kings, the Holy One, blessed be He” (Ethics of the Fathers 3:1). It is also customary to recite Psalm 91, which begins, “He who lives in the shelter of the Most High.” Some recite this psalm only at a man’s funeral, and at a woman’s funeral they recite Proverbs 31 (starting from verse 10, “What a rare find is a capable wife”).
At the conclusion of the gravesite ritual, the mourners recite Kaddish to elevate the soul of the departed. Kaddish continues through the month or year of mourning, as we will explain in section 14. If the deceased had no immediate relatives, someone else says Kaddish. The person conducting the funeral then recites the prayer that starts, “God full of mercy.” This prayer asks God to mercifully accept the soul of the departed into heaven for eternal rest until the resurrection of the dead.
After the burial, the mourners remove their leather shoes, which signals the beginning of the shiva. (If they did not bring slippers with them and cannot walk barefoot, they should put some dirt in their shoes until they return home.) Those who have attended the burial now form two lines. The mourners pass between them and accept consolations. When departing the cemetery, it is customary for everyone to wash their hands ritually, as part of cleansing themselves from their encounter with death.
