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There is a mitzva to comfort mourners, share their sorrow, and listen to them talk. The primary form of consolation is for the mourners and comforters to tell positive stories about the deceased. Ideally, these stories will inspire the listeners to repent and improve their behavior. Often people find out during the shiva that the deceased was a better person than they had thought. Most people are multifaceted, and in the day-to-day we often miss what is most important, namely the positive things that express the person’s soul. These are what remain behind forever and are what we focus on during the shiva, to perpetuate the legacy and elevate the soul of the departed.
Those who come to the shiva to provide comfort are permitted to show interest in the deceased's life and activities. At the same time, they should be careful not to get sidetracked by discussions of work or other mundane matters; it is better to remain silent at a shiva than to engage in idle conversation. Shiva visitors need to be considerate. They should come at reasonable times and make sure not to stay too long when the mourners are tired. Talkative people must make efforts to restrain themselves so other visitors have their chance to comfort the mourners. If someone finds it difficult or impossible to visit the mourners in person, consolation may be offered by phone or letter.
It is a mitzva to connect the private sorrow of the mourners to the sorrow of the whole Jewish people. This makes the private sorrow more meaningful and can inspire repentance and self-improvement. Therefore, when leaving the shiva, the comforters part from the mourners by saying either “May you be comforted from heaven” (Sephardic custom), or “May the Lord comfort you among the other mourners of Zion and Jerusalem” (Ashkenazic custom; some add “And may you know no more sorrow”).
