)
If a person hurts or insults someone else, it is a mitzva to reprimand the offender. This makes him or her aware that what they said or did was hurtful and gives them a chance to repair the relationship. As it says, “You shall not hate your kinsfolk in your heart. Reprove your kinsman but incur no guilt because of him. . . Love your fellow as yourself; I am the Lord” (Leviticus 19:17-18). If instead we hide our upset and hate the person in our heart, we transgress two mitzvot: the prohibition to hate and the mitzva to reprimand and to love.
Since the goal is to correct, not to attack or to assert superiority, criticism must be delivered respectfully. Care must be taken to minimize any insult or distress. Sometimes, upon being informed our behavior was hurtful, we say we did not intend to hurt or insult. We apologize and promise not to repeat the behavior. When this happens, it turns out there was never a reason to be angry in the first place. A gentle, loving rebuke was all that was necessary. Other times, it becomes clear the offense was the result of a misunderstanding, and if there is anyone who should take offense it is the other person. In this case, the person who started to reprimand must apologize for the misunderstanding and for thinking badly of the other person without cause. Therefore, when giving rebuke, one must always offer it tentatively, and be ready to hear what the other person has to say in their defense.
Even if the injured party is positive the reprimand will not help because the offender often acts insensitively and hurtfully, there is still a mitzva to rebuke them respectfully, because there is always a chance they will take the words to heart. Even if the criticism is rejected, it is safe to assume that if everyone this person insults speaks to them about it, they will improve, at least slightly, over the course of time.
