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Uterine blood flow renders a woman halakhically impure. When she is impure, meaning from the day she sees blood until the day she immerses in a mikveh to purify herself, the couple may not be intimate, or even touch one another. During this time of menstrual impurity, she is referred to as a nidda, and the couple’s state is commonly referred to as being in nidda. Clearly, it is a very challenging time. The separation is painful, and the longing grows stronger day by day. The prohibition of giving physical expression to their love means that the couple suffer. However, along with this suffering (which purifies their love), there is also anticipation which gets stronger and stronger until mikveh night. Then they can finally reunite in love and joy, breaking through all barriers separating them.
Although we cannot fully understand the reasons behind God’s commandments, we do know that all the mitzvot are intended to benefit us in this world and the next. In this case, the painful abstinence strengthens, deepens, and fans the flame of love. Separating allows the couple to recreate, on a monthly basis, the feelings they had for each other when they were first married. Meanwhile, during the separation time, they can deepen their conversations, or throw themselves into activities which mitigate the pain of separation.
Let us give a little background to the concept of impurity. As a rule, impurity is related to death. This is why the Sages designate a corpse the ultimate impurity. Similarly, when a woman has her period, it is a type of death, as it involves the loss of an egg and tissue that had the potential to become a life. This loss also reminds us that while we may wish to love and live endlessly, our ability to do so is severely limited. Any honest psychologist would agree that intermittent periods of abstinence are the best way to keep the flame of love burning bright. However, without feeling obligated by the Torah’s commandment, people would not have the strength to actually do this.
Thanks to these two polar opposites – the mitzva to be intimate and the requirement to abstain – the couple preserve their love, which becomes purer every month. By the time they are older, with the wife approaching menopause, they have a deep understanding of how to please one another. Their love is so deep that they no longer need the separation periods. Earlier, while pregnant or nursing, a woman generally does not have her period and the couple need not separate. Perhaps, thanks to the life-giving work in which the couple are involved, their love then increases in vitality even without the aid of separation.
According to the original Torah law, the impurity of a menstruant lasts for seven days, including the days on which she bleeds. A zava, whose bleeding is abnormal and continues for three days beyond her regular period, must count seven clean days after she stops bleeding. According to rabbinic law and custom, though, all women count seven clean days after they stop bleeding, as the zava does.
