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When it comes to mitzvot fulfilled outside the home, such as communal prayer in the synagogue, there are clear differences between men's obligations and women's. The generally accepted explanation for this is women are exempt from those mitzvot likely to make it more difficult for them to take care of their family and raise their children. Nevertheless, women are still obligated to recite the morning blessings and the Amida prayer (21:3 and 21:14 below). Women can recite these at home without it having a negative impact upon the running of the household. However, if a woman finds it difficult to pray the Amida with proper concentration while taking care of her young children, she is exempt, and can make do with simply reciting the morning blessings.
As we saw when dealing with the Temple (19:2 above), the Holy of Holies represented two major ideas: the covenant between God and the Jewish people, and the sanctity of marriage. Men’s responsibility is to publicly express our covenant with God. This once took place in the Temple through sacrifices, and now takes place through prayers in the synagogues that serve as mini-Temples. Women’s responsibility is to privately express the sanctity of marriage and family. This takes place within the home, transforming it into a mini-Temple as well. In other words, men usually support their family by working outside the home, but must make sure they sanctify the outside world as well. Women are usually in charge of the domestic front, but must make sure they sanctify the home too.
To put it a little differently, men are expected to “sacrifice” by observing all the time-bound positive mitzvot and attending prayer services regularly, while women are expected to “sacrifice” by investing in their families and raising their children. A sacrifice does not have to make life difficult. It can and should uplift people and bring them joy. Nevertheless, without a willingness to sacrifice of oneself when things are difficult, it is impossible to maintain values and draw closer to God and divine ideals.
Since the entire gamut of divine values is relevant to both men and women, women have a place in the synagogue, and men have a place at home. Even two thousand years ago, there were women who attended synagogue services regularly, and the Sages tell us they lived long lives as a result. Similarly, there were men who took care of the home. Nevertheless, some things have changed. In the past, making a living and running a household were both extremely difficult, so only a few people deviated from the traditional role division. Today, both tasks are somewhat easier, so there is more room for flexibility.
The default according to halakha is that men’s basic obligation is to support the family and women’s basic obligation is to take care of it. Nevertheless, every couple is permitted to choose how to weave their lives together and how to divide up the responsibilities. They can do things more traditionally or more egalitarian. They can agree the wife will be more responsible for making a living and being involved in the community, and the husband will be more responsible for taking care of the family and being involved at home. Naturally, the more women work and are active outside the home, the more they must sanctify God’s name in the public arena; the more men are involved the home, the more they must sanctify God’s name in private. Hopefully, as a result, both public and family life will be invigorated and illuminated.
In the upcoming chapter, we will discuss daily prayer, in which there is little difference between men and women’s obligations. In the chapter after that, we will explore synagogue prayer, which is obligatory for men and optional for women.
